Its been a while...in that time I met someone, his name was James, he turned out to be the worst boyfriend I've ever had. He completely ignored me unless he wanted some and never called or texted. I mean it was ok for a while but I got sick of how stuck on his ex he seemed and finally one night he texted me and ended it actually stating that the reason why was because he was stuck on his ex. 

I got a new job. I make a lot of money to just sit on my but and activate credit cards. Its my first grown up job and I kind of like it or at least like the money.

Then I was single again. I had a fling with a guy in the internet department at work. He came over, we got drunk, had sex and then he revealed that he had a girlfriend and that they had been together for over a year. I was pretty mad about the whole thing. I never hung out with him again. He's tried. I did like him, we had the same kind of dog. But if he'd do that to her he'd do that to me. 

Then I grew kind of a fan club at work. I'd have boy after boy stopping by my desk all day to talk to me because I was the new "cute" girl at work. It was funny the few times that they'd all be there at the same time. I never really gave too many of them the time of day. I hung out with this guy named Steve who is a douche bag. Only because everything he says is so much better than anything I said and he was like Jesus walking on earth because he's such a "good person."

Then there was Derek. I met him when he mentioned that he graduated with my cousin. He'd stop by and talk but he wasn't really in my "fan club" I didn't really pay attention to him. Then one day he randomly called me and asked me what I was doing that night and I made up some excuse like I was busy and just left it at that. But it was a Saturday night and I didnt actually have anything to do so later on I asked him if he found anything to do and he said no so I said ok fine then we'll just hang out. We did a whole lot of random nothing, went to get ice cream and it was at that moment when we were deciding on what toppings to add to our frozen custard that I fell for him, then we went to walmart and road shopping cards in the parking lot, and got drinks, went to another walmart and walked around and then went to his place had some drinks, watched some family guy and then when he took me home. We hung out at my place watching tv it was like we didn't want the night to end. He kissed me good night, I don't usually let anyone kiss me on a first date or anything but his kiss was amazing. He went home that night but the next night after work we hung out and since then we haven't spent a day apart. That is until he had to do his "2 weeks a year" for the National Guard in Haiti, he left last week. I've been pretty lonely. We haven't spent a night apart since the first week we got together. He's great. He's 22, younger than me but mature. He's very sexy too. 

But while he's gone I've just been getting my life together. I've gained 10lbs since working at a sit down job and I'm trying to lose it. I've lost 2lbs so far in 1 week. We'll see....I've been "nesting" too...I got some furniture and decorations for my apartment and cleaning and doing home stuff. I got an xbox 360 off of craigslist which isn't helping me lose weight lol but I love it. I've been doing lots of craigslist but its been nice getting some deals on furniture, Wii games, Xbox games and PS2 stuff. I want to at least get back down to 126 by the time Derek gets back on July 11th. I'm at 133 and I'm going to try to just keep track on here...like I used to back in my anorexic days lol....but not as intense anymore. I just got back from a walk with my dogs and now its time for a trip to the gym. 

Joe was my first real boyfriend. I remember sitting in class in high school, all those years ago, looking at him wishing that I would one day I'd be lucky enough to call him mine. Finally it happened and I called him mine for almost 4 years. I remember our first kiss after our first date and how I couldn't even sleep that night because I was so happy. On our first date he swore he'd never get married but I figured I could change him and I did. Then there were the times when he was home on leave from the Navy which were some of the happiest times I can remember. The flowers he sent me, the stuffed toys he bought me, the way he influenced my life. How the whole world would stop when he called me just to talk. The romantic night at the lake, full moon beaming, dancing to Celine Dion under the stars. The night he gave me a promise ring and promised that if he didn't die while in Kuwait and Iraq how he would come back home and make me his wife a beautiful love story, indeed. All of this is documented in my old xanga xanga@sweetiebabe05

Well...he didn't die and he just got married....to someone else.

He has been dating her for about two years. She's 30 and he's 25. I guess he was looking for a mother figure. She has a daughter also. She had the family pre-mix all ready, just add water and bake for 2 years. He and I had been talking throughout their relationship, he'd call me and complain about her and I'd complain about who I was with. I always just figured we would one day get back together. He cheated on her with me in 2008 and I guess thats the only reason that his recent marriage hasn't devasted me. He cheated on his, now wife, with me. Yay....

Its not that I'm not over him. I'm sure I am. I haven't seen him in over a year, or talked to him in almost a year. I guess leaving him alone to be with her let him get over me or give up on me and just marry her. I have been in two 1 year relationships since him and 2 engagements that have all broken up. I'm single now and although I am enjoying being single and having boys call me, send flowers, text and try to win my love I just can't give my heart away anymore.

In the paper today, in the Court section of our little hometown newspaper I saw where him and his girlfriend/fiancee applied for their marriage license. Its all official now, they are married. He is the first guy I have dated that has gotten married and he was the most important relationship of my life. High school sweetheart, military sweetheart, he was there with me through junior and senior year of high school and freshman and sophomore year of college and my best friend even longer than that. Its bitter sweet, slightly more bitter than sweet. He was looking for someone stable, with a job and a stable life, she's a teacher and has a kid so I guess that at least seems more stable than me. I am in college, still trying to figure out what to do in life. I guess my day will come and I'll find someone that can hopefully thrill me as much as he did. He was my first for everything and I guess it will always be hard to match that but hopefully I can someday.

How did you feel or would you feel if when you found out one of your exes got married?

So I'm guessing its time for new years resolutions. I'm kind of bad at making goals and then sticking to them. I like to mostly fly by the seat of my pants when doing anything. But 2009 was horrible and I guess maybe I should try to make 2010 better. 2009 should have been a perfect year but it wasn't I moved to Disney to finally fulfill my life long dream of working at Disney World and before it was all over my ex made me hate my job and my life. I just moved back to Missouri and I've got a job I love so I want 2010 to be better. I don't want to be so miserable that its like my life is falling apart. Where mostly I just want die. No more of that. hmm...

Also the love of my life is getting married tomorrow. I don't know how I feel about that. But I hope he likes his old woman and her kid. Hah...at least he cheated on her with me and that makes it ok as discussed earlier.

Ok so now for some resolutions.

The big one: No more boys. I'm done with "he's almost perfect" or "he'll do" kinds of relationships. I feel pressured to get married because I'm 23 and single. I never in my wildest dreams pictured myself this old and single with no kids. I just never saw it. Its like horrible. But whatever...I need someone who is mindblowing and who can really thrill me and make me happy for more than just the first 2 months of a relationship and who has a job, doesn't wear Carharts, doesn't hunt, doesn't like the outdoors, and is an intellectual.

No more soda/pop. I didn't drink it for 2 years. I need to get back to that so that way when or if I do drink it then its so amazing.

Save money. I am 23 and I own $1

Focus on me. Screw everyone else.

Go out more. I have no friends that I hang out with. I need to get in touch with people and when they ask to hang out with me I need to say yes instead of making up an excuse because I'm tired or I hate croweds or hate people or hate making conversation with others without getting paid to do so. Heck I don't even want to smile without some kind of monetary gain.

I don't want a relationship any time soon. I want to move back to Florida in the next 2 years with no one stopping me. I would like that next Christmas I have someone to spend Christmas with other than just being on the computer alone, with my dog.

Start working out again. Although since I stopped working out, eating right and doing any physical activity at all I have lost weight and can maintain my weight better. Go figure.